Tilting With Windmills

I haven't posted in a long while, and I probably won't post again in another long while.

As 2013 comes to an end I find myself avoiding reflecting on the past year. This is because it is easily one of the worst years of my life. And as I look towards 2014, I can't help but feel as though things aren't going to improve. I have no motivation. I have no inspiration. Everything I thought I had, I've lost. That's an exaggeration. When things start heading towards recovery I shoot myself down. "No, Sarah, don't be optimistic. No, Sarah, you don't deserve that. No, Sarah, just stay in bed, give up." I applied for SF State starting Fall 2014 and I won't let myself be excited about even the prospect of being accepted. I'm avoiding the let-down so I'm telling myself I'm not going to get in. I applied for Sac State as well, but just as a back-up. I'm not going there. I'm not going there...

A major theme in my life is being unappreciated. #unappreciated. My (ex)boyfriend and I broke up after six-seven years. Ha. It's numbing really. But that's nothing a blog post can remedy. I'm really a self-less person but that's me sucking my own dick. But I'm learning to be selfish. I'll let you know how that one goes. Next blog post: I'm Such an Asshole. But I already am an asshole, but I'm a self-less asshole.

I'm fighting my right middle finger from clutching backspace.

My breath tastes and my throat is dry.

"We should do this again soon."
"Yeah, sure, I'll get your number..."
"Text me."
"...uh huh..."

Here's to 2014.
L'chaim...